MS PAINT: Lorde Vader

I woke up this morning thinking, "I'm going to learn how to use Photoshop for 2014!" I made this on MS Paint instead.

New Voice Mail Message

I used Text-To-Speech software to update the voice mail message on my mobile phone. It doesn't sound as clear when recording into my phone off of PC speakers, but it'll suffice.

This is the exact text I wrote so the female computer voice could pronounce everything, including my name:

This is the automatic voice messaging system for Billy know. If you are calling for alimony payments, please hang up and text message the phrase. I want my money dead beat. Followed by the (United States) dollar amount to this mobile number now. If you are calling to report an emergency, please hang up and text message the state of your emergency in the form of a Japanese "hai ku" to this mobile number now. To leave a voice message for mister know, please stay on the line and wait for the tone.

I was going to add a part about regarding calls that are "Sexual in nature," but it seemed like a long message already.

TRAILER: Antboy

Not to be mistaken with or have any connection to Marvel Comics' Ant-Man, who will be played by Paul Rudd.

Is The Flea some sort of pedophile out to kidnap Antboy?

TRAILER: Amazing Spider-Man 2

So many villains...



...I hope Andrew Garfield recreates this meme in the film.

DANGER 5 Christmas Wish List

Do you require last minute Christmas presents? DANGER 5 reminds you that they've got great presents to put under that fire hazard you call a "Christmas tree."

STALLION PLAYING CARDS. The last word in card-based entertainment.

MUCHACHO BREATH MINTS. A new best friend for your mouth.

MAZZARUCCI UTILITY GUITAR. Save it for someone special.

TANAKA PAPER WEIGHTS (MADE IN JAPAN). What happens in Japan stays in Japan.

MAZZARUCCI SHAVEISSIMO. Redefine your face.

KING OF BISCUITS. The regal way to start your day.

MORENO PRE-LIT MATCHES. Keeping you a light.



The Australian SBS series DANGER 5: Season One is not available on home video in the US. Season two is currently in production. Oh yeah. Kill Hitler.

TRAILER: Expendables 3

I hope there's a box office discount for AARP members.

TRAILER: Transcendence

It looks like Johnny Depp is uploaded to The Grid from Tron. Chris Nolan's long time DP, Wally Pfister, makes his directorial debut.

In a related note: "Deep thinking" computers are currently being developed and it involves creating programs that allow these new forms of artificial intelligence to learn on its own by analyzing mass amounts of data and forming patterns.

TRAILER: Journey to the West

Stephen Chow's latest film. Lookin' good, Shu Qi.

DATABASE ENTRY: Zatanna

TRAILER: Interstellar

Everything is coming up Matthew McConaughey! What are the chances Nolan let him go shirtless in a scene, like McConaughey does in most movies?

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: Spray and Go Whaaaaa?

There's no way it applies on that easily, but holy shit, lady. She basically pulled a Lionel Hutz on us.

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: His Majesty The Doctor

Intercepted images from two DOCTOR WHO television specials.

On the left, The Tenth Doctor (David Tennant) tells Ood Sigma in the 2009 Christmas special "The End of Time, Part 1" about accidentally marrying Queen Elizabeth.

On the right, The Tenth Doctor proposes to Queen Elizabeth during a botched attempt to lure out a Zygon in the 2012 50th anniversary special "The Day of the Doctor." He ends up marrying her with The War Doctor (John Hurt) and The Eleventh Doctor (Matt Smith) present.

That would mean, in The Tenth Doctor's timeline, the events of The Day of the Doctor" occurred between "The Waters of Mars" (November 2009) and "The End of Time" (December 2009). Of course, The Tenth Doctor has no memory of this after going back to his timeline at the end of the 50th anniversary special.

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: Miss Sasako Wouldn't Like That

Intercepted images from POLAR BEAR CAFE - "MR. PENGUIN'S ROMANCE" (2012)

Mr. Penguin is on a week long mission to ask out his crush. Miss Sasako finds the entire endeavor romantic, but only if the affection isn't directed towards her because ain't nobody got time for that.

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: The Five(ish) Doctors

Previous Doctor Who actors band together in an attempt to be featured in the 50th anniversary Doctor Who television special, "The Day of the Doctor."

The Fifth Doctor, Peter Davison, wrote, directed, and co-starred as himself the BBC produced short.

DATABASE ENTRY: Apple Jack's Parents

Does this make Apple Bloom the Robin to Apple Jack's Batman?

DATABASE ENTRY: Captain Kermit

Captain James T. Kermit

DATABASE ENTRY: Big Time Gamer

You win, sir.

TRAILER: Nymphomaniac

Well, then. I'm sold again, Lars Von Triers.

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: "Bound 2" + Franco/Rogan Parody

Intercepted footage of a side-by-side video comparison of Kanye West's music video for "Bound 2" (featuring amateur pornstar Kim Kardashian) and the parody by James Franco and Seth Rogan.

Bravo, sirs! The videos, however, are NSFS (Not Safe for Starbucks).

Click HERE for the original Kanye video.

Click HERE for the Franco/Rogan version.

My Little Pony Into Darkness

The Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special overshadowed it, but MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC had its two-part season four premiere this past Saturn's Day and it looked a little familiar.

The season opener finds Twilight Swift Sparkle adapting to her new role as a princess; homepony evolved from being a unicorn to an alicorn (a unicorn with wings) at the end of season three. That's all fine and shit, but WHAT ABOUT HER FRIENDSSSSSSSSS??????!!!!

Turns out, princesses are expected to rule from Canterlot, which would take Twilight Swift away from her friends in Ponyville. Very sad.

Then, the night before her coronation, Princess Celestia (the head pony of Equestria) and her sister Princess Luna disappear, throwing the day & night cycle into disarray and leaving the entire kingdom prey to the darkness! Much danger.

So, Princess Twilight Swift must join her Ponyville posse and team up with a former enemy to find out what happened to the co-ruling sisters and stop the menacing threat at hand. Wow...

Hey, wait a second! This all sounds like something I recently watched. Oh, that's right. It's the basic premise of THOR INTO DARKNESS--Marvel's latest film which saw The Mighty Thor reluctant to take the throne of Asgard because he pines for his lady friend and is later forced to team up with a former enemy (the trickster god and Thor's adopted brother, Loki) to stop the Dark World from destroying the Nine Realms.

Just to make sure of the comparison, let's checklist through this thing:

Dark World attacking...

CHECK!

Teaming up with former enemy...

CHECK! That's Discord, a being of chaos voiced by John de Lancie from Star Trek: TNG and Breaking Bad.

Yggdrasil (or the Tree of Life)...

CHECK! Ponies call it the Tree of Harmony.

Infinity gems...

CHECK! Although, they call them the Elements of Harmony and it's not really wise to keep them all in the same place.

Flashback of sibling rivalry...

CHECK! Sister vs. sister. Rainbow Kamehameha, bitch!

Drinks...

CHECK! Although, I'm pretty sure that was LSD since Twilight Swift was trippin' balls. She drank it about four times, too.

There you have it. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is no different than Marvel Comics. Except with 20% more singing.

Let's just hope for Pony Thanos by the end of the season.

MS PAINT: Brother!

Family issues.

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: The Night of the Doctor

Steven Moffat scripts this short prequel to the DOCTOR WHO 50th anniversary special, "Day of the Doctor."

Paul McGann reprises his role as the Eighth Doctor from the 1996 Doctor Who TV movie and introduces the origin of John Hurt's War Doctor.

TRAILER: An Adventure in Space and Time

UK promos for the TV docudrama about creating DOCTOR WHO.

MS PAINT: Hard Out There for a Governor

In last night's episode of THE WALKING DEAD, The Governor is in a literal pit of despair! He's a glass case of emotion.

MS PAINT: The Next Governor

Rick & Co. doesn't stand a chance against Governor Who.

TRAILER: Noah

At least it's not Kevin Costner.

DATABASE ENTRY: Goku Eating

DATABASE ENTRY: George Likes Spicy Chicken

I'm with you, Costanza.

TRAILER: Lone Survivor

Looks better than Shooter.

DATABASE ENTRY: Sony Legacy

PS4 comes out on this Friday!

TRAILER: Doctor Who - The Day of the Doctor

Two trailers for DOCTOR WHO - "THE DAY OF THE DOCTOR."

It looks like Xzibit made one hell of a Doctor Who 50th anniversary special. The 76 minute episode premieres on BBC One (UK) and BBC America (US) on November 23rd.

AN ADVENTURE IN SPACE AND TIME, a docudrama that retells the creation of the Doctor Who series, also airs a day or two before the 50th anniversary special. David Bradley (Walder Frey from Game of Thrones and Filch from Harry Potter) plays William Hartnell as the First Doctor.

TRAILER: The Raid 2: Berandal

Fucking walls.

TRAILER: The LEGO Movie

At least Warners did at least one thing right with DC Comics characters.

DATABASE ENTRY: Seat Camouflage

Sherlock Holmes level of seat camouflage.

DATABASE ENTRY: The Mighty Tyreese

THE WALKING DEAD (2013) - "Isolation"

Previously on AMC's The Walking Dead...

Carl: "You are an old man and a fool!"
---
Tyreese: "I shall avenge you, Karen!"

TRAILER: The Great Beauty

Well, then. I'm sold.

DATABASE ENTRY: Hendricks in Bright Colors

Blasphemous mother of Cthulhu...that's more woman than I can even imagine doing anything with.

FASCINATING BEATS: Cults

Selected tracks from the 2013 album STATIC by CULTS.

"HIGH ROAD"


"ALWAYS FOREVER"


"WE'VE GOT IT"